Resources

On our site, we provide several resources that are relevant to the work you do. Our monthly newsletter, The Facilitator, is below. But, you can also explore our many case studies and articles!

The Facilitator

Conflict - Moving from Cowardice to Confidence

The opportunity to encounter conflict is all around us. It could be a difference of opinion about who has the best sports team, disagreement about the direction of a project or an unspoken battle between co-workers over parking spaces. Bottom line is that conflict happens.

When asked, most people will say he or she does not like conflict. They prefer an environment where everyone just gets along—where we all have the same goals, aspirations and motivations. While this is a noble ambition, it isn't realistic. Even if everything appears to be copasetic, there is often an undercurrent of passive or active aggression if issues are not addressed.

Conflict can take many forms, but when polled, the most common responses when asked to define conflict revolve around loud arguments, hurt feelings, mano a mano confrontations which result in dissolved relationships. "If you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns." With that sort of conclusion, it's no wonder why people would choose avoidance.

Is all conflict bad? Are there times when it is necessary or crucial to a mutually beneficial outcome? What would happen if an engineering project was approved without any oversight or inquiry about crucial stress points? Imagine being on a committee where disagreement or differences of opinion were not allowed or a parent who could not critique the behaviors of a child. Without an open conduit of communication, the result could be tragic.

Why then do people avoid conflict?

The other person will be hurt or will not like me.
It is none of my business.
Maybe it will just go away.
It will only start a fight or there will be retaliation.
Nothing will happen.
It's easier, I don't have time, I'm not up to it etc., etc.

While any of these may be true, not addressing the issues will only allow or give permission for it to continue. How then should you face a situation if your natural inclination is to avoid it?

It takes courage to address issues which may result in conflict. When people finally decide to face the fear they often discover that much of their thoughts were based on perception rather that reality. The outcome is bearable and not as crushing as previously believed. By persistently forcing yourself to face difficult situations, you get over the uncomfortable feeling much more quickly than those who choose to shy away.

To begin addressing skills related to conflict, sign up for our March 10/March 22, two part session regarding Crucial Coaching and Conversations. Learn the skills necessary to confront others in a way that demonstrates the right intent and outcome.